Nobody likes pain, well unless they’re…uh…into that sort of thing. That’s not the kind of pain I’m talking about though, or into for that matter. Just saying…
The kind of pain nobody likes is the kind that burns its way through you. It saps all of your energy, and it rips you apart. It brings fear and helplessness. It’s merciless. Some people are fortunate to only feel intense moments of pain a few times throughout the span of their lives. Others, like myself, will suffer greatly.
For as long as I’ve remembered I have suffered with debilitating migraines. This isn’t your garden variety headache where you can pop a couple of ibuprofen and go on your way. It’s not a mildly irritating pain or pressure that you can just get through.
The migraines I experience are the things that nightmares are afraid of. It’s a searing pain that overtakes me, and it wreaks havoc on the rest of my body. I get dizzy, my vision blurs, my stomach churns, everything around me overwhelms me. No matter how hard I try to fight it, or work through it, I lose the battle. As soon as one sets in, I know that I’ve already lost that day to suffering. I’m out of commission.
Unfortunately, I can’t identify a trigger for these episodes. That means I never know when the next one will strike. I’ve also never been able to find an effective treatment. Believe me when I tell you, I’ve tried everything. Prescription medication, massage, piercings, essential oils, herbs, acupressure. There’s nothing I can do to get away from this misery.
There is one that can help me. My God is able to take this from me, and I have prayed many times in full faith for him to do that. I believe that He can do it. I hope that He will do it.
He said no.
The first time I heard him say no, I was devastated. Being the stubborn woman I am, I asked again, and again, and again…
He still says no.
Why is it that some people are destined to suffer so much? I’ve asked this question a million times. I’ve wracked my brain for answers, and I’ve gone through the ‘why me’ cycle more times than I care to admit. I’ve begged Him to heal me. I’ve even begged Him to kill me.
No. No. No.
It’s the only answer I ever get.
I’ve run into a wall that will never move. I’ve resigned myself to this fate. It’s a cross I will always bear.
In this desperate place of suffering, I’ve found a ray of hope. It came to me in one of the darkest places, and it illuminated my understanding of the purpose of suffering.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us. We share in the many sufferings of Christ. In the same way, much comfort comes to us through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NCV
There it is. I suffer to be comforted by my Father. I suffer to be a comfort to others who suffer. I still don’t understand a lot about these migraines, but I have found purpose in them, and that’s enough for me. Well, for now anyway.
For now, I will find pleasure in being comforted by my Father, and I will seek out opportunities to extend His comfort to my fellow sufferers. Purpose and pain go hand in hand.
Take heart my sisters, and be brave in your suffering. We have the ultimate source of comfort on our side.